Sexual concerns are among the most common reasons couples seek therapy, and among the hardest to talk about out loud. One partner wants more sex and feels rejected; the other feels pressured and pulls away; and before long, the topic is avoided altogether. If this sounds familiar, you are far from alone. Here is how sex therapy in Long Beach helps couples work through desire differences, rebuild intimacy, and learn to talk about sex without shame or blame.
How Common Sexual Concerns Really Are
Sexual difficulties are a normal part of long-term relationships, not a sign that something is broken. A widely cited study published in JAMA (Laumann, Paik and Rosen, 1999) found that about 43% of women and 31% of men in the United States experience some form of sexual difficulty. Desire discrepancy, where partners want sex at different frequencies, is consistently described by sex therapists as one of the most common concerns couples bring into the room.
Communication appears to make a real difference. A Gottman Institute survey of more than 70,000 people found that couples who reported a satisfying sex life were far more likely to say they talked about sex openly, including what they enjoyed and what they wanted to try.
Understanding Desire Differences
Mismatched Desire Is Normal
In almost every long-term relationship, one partner will want sex more often than the other at some point. Differences in desire can shift with stress, health, parenting, hormones, medications, and the natural phases of a relationship. The difference itself is rarely the problem. The problem is usually what each partner makes it mean.
Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire
Research by Dr. Rosemary Basson and others describes two common ways desire works. Spontaneous desire appears seemingly out of nowhere, while responsive desire emerges after physical closeness or arousal has already begun. Many people, especially in long-term relationships, experience mostly responsive desire. When couples learn this, the partner with lower desire often stops feeling "broken," and the partner with higher desire often stops taking it personally.
The Pursue and Withdraw Cycle in the Bedroom
Desire differences often turn into a painful pattern. The higher-desire partner initiates, feels rejected, and pushes harder or becomes critical. The lower-desire partner feels pressure, avoids touch so it is not misread as an invitation, and withdraws further. Over time, both partners feel lonely. This mirrors the pursue and withdraw cycle that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) identifies in so many couples, and it is often where sex therapy begins.
The Link Between Emotional Safety and Intimacy
For many couples, sexual desire depends on how emotionally safe and connected they feel outside the bedroom. Ongoing conflict, resentment, unresolved hurt, or feeling unseen in daily life can quietly lower desire, even when partners still love each other. We explore this in more depth in our article on the link between emotional safety and sexual desire.
This is why sex therapy at Couples Healing Center looks at the whole relationship, not only sexual behavior. When couples feel more secure with each other, intimacy often becomes easier and more enjoyable for both partners.
Common Concerns Sex Therapy Addresses
Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy. It does not involve any physical contact or sexual activity in sessions. Couples and individuals commonly seek support for:
Differences in sexual desire or frequency
Low libido or loss of interest in sex
Sexless or low-sex relationships
Difficulty talking about sexual needs, preferences, or boundaries
Erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation
Pain during sex or difficulty with arousal or orgasm
Rebuilding sexual intimacy after infidelity, childbirth, illness, or menopause
Sexual shame, anxiety, or the impact of past trauma
Questions about sexual identity, kink, or non-monogamy
When a concern may have a medical component, such as pain or erectile difficulties, a sex therapist will often recommend a check-up with a physician or pelvic floor specialist alongside therapy.
Improving Sexual Communication
Talk About Sex Outside the Bedroom
Conversations about sex tend to go better when they happen at a neutral time, not right after a rejected advance. A calm walk or a scheduled check-in gives both partners more room to listen.
Lead With Curiosity, Not Criticism
"I miss feeling close to you" lands very differently from "We never have sex anymore." Sharing the feeling underneath a request helps your partner respond with care rather than defensiveness.
Get Specific About What Works
Many couples have never directly shared what they enjoy, what helps them get in the mood, or what turns them off. A sex therapist can help partners have these conversations in a structured, respectful way.
Separate Affection From Expectation
When every hug feels like it must lead to sex, the lower-desire partner may start avoiding affection altogether. Agreeing that some touch is simply touch can rebuild warmth and reduce pressure.
What Sex Therapy Sessions Look Like
The First Sessions
Early sessions focus on understanding each partner's perspective, the history of the relationship, and how sexual concerns developed. Your therapist will ask about health, stress, relationship dynamics, and what each of you hopes will change.
Tools and Exercises Between Sessions
Sex therapists often assign gradual, at-home exercises. One well-known approach is sensate focus, developed by Masters and Johnson, which uses structured, non-demand touch to reduce performance pressure and help partners reconnect with physical sensation. Other work may include communication exercises, education about desire and arousal, and reflection on beliefs about sex from family, culture, or religion.
How Long It Takes
Many couples notice meaningful progress within 8 to 20 sessions, depending on the concern and how long it has been present. Some couples combine weekly sessions with a couples therapy intensive for faster traction.
Choosing a Sex Therapist in Long Beach
Look for Specialized Training
Sex therapy requires training beyond a general therapy license. The AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) credential reflects advanced education and supervised clinical experience in sexual health. Dr. Liz Wee, founder of Couples Healing Center, is a board-certified sex therapist and also trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, which allows sexual concerns to be addressed within the context of the couple's emotional bond.
Find a Therapist Who Feels Comfortable
Talking about sex is vulnerable. It matters that both partners feel at ease with the therapist's style. A complimentary consultation is a good way to get a sense of fit before starting.
Consider Location and Format
Our Long Beach office is located at 3711 Long Beach Blvd, Suite 4007, with sessions also available in Culver City, Tustin, and virtually across California. Many couples appreciate the privacy and convenience of online sessions for this kind of work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy that helps individuals and couples address sexual concerns such as desire differences, low libido, sexual communication, and sexual dysfunction. There is no physical contact or sexual activity in sessions.
Is it normal for partners to have different levels of sexual desire?
Yes. Desire differences are one of the most common concerns couples bring to sex therapy. They are a normal part of long-term relationships and can be worked through with the right support.
Can sex therapy help if we are in a sexless relationship?
Yes. Many couples come to therapy after months or years of little or no sexual intimacy. Therapy helps identify what is getting in the way and gradually rebuild physical and emotional closeness.
Do both partners need to attend sex therapy?
Not always. Couples sessions are often most effective for relationship-based concerns, but individual sex therapy can help with issues like sexual anxiety, shame, or low desire.
How long does sex therapy take?
Many couples see meaningful progress within 8 to 20 sessions, though the timeline depends on the concern, how long it has been present, and consistency with exercises between sessions.
What is sensate focus?
Sensate focus is a structured, step-by-step series of touch exercises developed by Masters and Johnson. It removes the pressure to perform and helps partners reconnect with physical sensation and closeness.
Can sex therapy help after infidelity?
Yes. Rebuilding sexual intimacy after an affair is a common focus. It usually happens alongside work on trust, repair, and emotional safety.
What if a sexual problem has a medical cause?
A sex therapist may recommend consulting a physician, urologist, gynecologist, or pelvic floor physical therapist. Therapy can work alongside medical care to address the emotional and relational side of the concern.
Is sex therapy available online?
Yes. Couples Healing Center offers virtual sex therapy across California in addition to in-person sessions in Long Beach, Culver City, and Tustin.
Does insurance cover sex therapy?
Couples Healing Center is private pay and does not bill insurance directly. We can provide superbills, and some clients use our Mentaya partnership to explore out-of-network reimbursement.
Getting Started
Desire differences and intimacy struggles can make partners feel distant, frustrated, or ashamed, but they are common and very workable with the right support. Sex therapy gives couples a safe, non-judgmental space to understand each other, communicate more openly, and rebuild a sexual connection that feels good for both partners. If you want to learn more about why intimacy fades, our article on why couples stop having sex is a helpful place to start.
At Couples Healing Center, our clinicians work with couples and individuals in Long Beach, Los Angeles, and Orange County, in person and virtually. If you would like to talk through what sex therapy could look like for you, you can schedule a complimentary consultation with our team.
Written by Dr. Liz Wee, licensed relationship & sex therapist and founder of Couples Healing Center.
